I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
