I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
