i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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