if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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