Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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