it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
