i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
