I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
