He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
