My sheets look like a crime scene.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
