you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize