You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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