Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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