i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Four minutes until I can fart!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
