I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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