I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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