I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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