I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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