I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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