just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
