why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
