her vagine was all disorganized.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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