I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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