Welp...herpes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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