I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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