I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
