you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
