I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
