Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
