I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
