Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
