We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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