i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
