remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
