I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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