I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
