Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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