Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Come on in and take your pants off
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