I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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