11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
