I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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