Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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