I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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