i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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