Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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