You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
