well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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