I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
