I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
