In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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