Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
