I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
