im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
