Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
