Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
