And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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