he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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