I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
