can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
