is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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