I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
