If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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