Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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